High Expectations of Admired Friends

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I spend a lot of energy on a few people in my life (not you, dear reader), and they seem almost indifferent towards me.  So, I vacillate between my idea of “stop ignoring people”, and my idea of “don’t waste time on people who wouldn’t spend time on you”.  The latter, I hope, will prevail.  As I journalled; “[with the right people…] there will be no pain, no doubts, no rejection, no wondering, no massive highs and deep lows”.  Unfortunately when I’m in “ignore mode”, there is collateral damage because I’m ignoring people who are always decent to me.

I say “not you, dear reader” because you are probably not indifferent to what I have to say, because you are reading this!

I think there is something to be learned about expectations.  I think maybe when I have expectations of how someone is supposed to react (to conform to my “requirements”), I set myself up for disappointment.  Surely, I know by now that expectations are premeditated resentments.  And I learned lately that sometimes we come up against people’s limitations – there are certain things they are just (socially) incapable of doing, or being, or behaving.

One thing about expectations, when I have such high expectations of someone, it may be because I think so highly of them, and I think about what I’d be willing to do for them, or how I’d react to them; such as show them a lot of attention, make them a priority, and think of what would be in their best interest.  It’s a little like putting someone on a pedestal.  I thought about this pedestal thing today; I wouldn’t want someone to put me on a pedestal, they are setting themselves up for a disappointment.  Kind of like a premeditated resentment.

However, pedestals aside, if I think that someone would behave towards me as I’m inclined to do so towards them, that’s a little unrealistic.  It’s terrible living in my head, haha.

I seem to know how to recognize when someone is paying attention to me, their eyes are not wandering on somebody who passes by because they want to be talking to the other person.  That’s a good clue.

The person in front of you is the most important thing in your life at this moment, and there is nothing else.  I like to try to be present.

I shared at a meeting that I have been feeling crappy, and as a consequence I isolate and withdraw from people.  But I don’t want to do that anymore.  The universe responded favorably to my sharing at the meeting.  It’s funny that I’m so reluctant to share my stuff.  I still am.  But then something positive like this happens.

I’ve been working  on a bigger on-line presence, starting with last week’s article on this blog, which I found out this week was my 100th blog post!  I’ve been on WordPress for 11 years, my first post was on June 29, 2005.  So this week I did a few YouTube videos of my music, and am trying to get this article out a week after the previous blog entry, before technically it’s not Monday anymore.  Tune in next Monday.  Cheers.

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About SunKing2

Former web developer, guitar player, started Piano 2012 -yes still doing it! Recovery, sobriety, mental health advocate.
This entry was posted in friendship, recovery. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to High Expectations of Admired Friends

  1. Pingback: Our TRUE Nature vs. Our Experiences | Connected Web

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